Hi Lover Boy,
I hope you had a good day. Today I got up and worked on my I have a dream speech since it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I made a video last year. I was planning on doing the same thing this year, but I wasn't done writing my speech. I know, lame excuse. At least I wrote it in my journal though. I was trying to take the parts of his speech that I like and throw in some of my own flare with it.
I took a shower and got ready for the day. I went to my B.E.S.T. appointment with Tyler. I got cleared for June 6, 2013, using love as the positive word. I think around then might have been one of the first attempts I was working on filing for divorce. It took several attempts before I could finally go through with it fully. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I never want to go through that again.
Speaking of divorce, my ex is apparently getting remarried. Typical right? I wonder if he has taken any of the suggestions I gave him to go to anger management and all of that. Well, I hope for all of their sakes that he has. If not, maybe she has to learn the same lessons that I did.
Honey, I have to write a letter that says I'm ok with him getting sealed to another woman. I wonder if he went through any kind of repentance process or if he is just trying to drink damnation to his soul like the scripture says? Well, it's not my place to judge. It's God's. I'll let him do the judging.
I'm trying so hard to be happy for him moving on. It's hard because I don't want him to hurt her. I think we all have those kind of tendencies to hurt people in us, but most of us choose not to act on them. However there are a choice few that do, and those are the ones who are wolves dressed in sheep's clothing.
Anyway, I hope you are doing well. What is your dream for freedom? Mine is basically that husbands will love and cherish their wives and vise versa. If there was love and kindness back in the families across the world it could end so many things. Not everyone teaches that, which is too bad. I wish they did.
I want to be one of those couples that is so romantic with each other that our kids are like "Ew! Stop kissing." It's good for kids to see their parents in love. :) I want to be in love with you forever.
Obviously love changes over time. It will start off with our chemicals going crazy in our brains like cocaine and we'll be addicted to each other. Then it will turn into the love that we realize we both have flaws and aren't actually "perfect." That's fine with me. I already am prepared for that. I know that you aren't perfect and I certainly am not perfect, though sometimes I have perfectionist tendencies. I'm a recovering perfectionist. :) I want to work on loving all of you unconditionally flaws and all. I hope you feel the same way.
I think the hardest thing about getting divorced was that it was not in my original plan. I did have reasons why I would get divorced, but I didn't think I would ever have to use them. I'm glad that I set up those boundaries in high school now. It saved me a lot of years of hurt and pain that I would have felt like I had to "endure to the end with" because I got married in the temple.
When I promise God something I do my very best to take it seriously. I might falter because I'm human, but I want to be on his side.
I wish you were here with me tonight. I wish we could cuddle tonight. I don't know if I have even met you yet or not, but I miss you. Can you miss someone you've never met? I mean, maybe we met in heaven? I don't know. I just want to be with you in your embrace tonight and feel at home again in your arms. I just want to be with you.
I love you and I can't wait to be with you!
Love,
Your FW, Tiffany
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