Hi Lover Boy,
I hope you had a good day. Today I got up and worked on my I have a dream speech since it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I made a video last year. I was planning on doing the same thing this year, but I wasn't done writing my speech. I know, lame excuse. At least I wrote it in my journal though. I was trying to take the parts of his speech that I like and throw in some of my own flare with it.
I took a shower and got ready for the day. I went to my B.E.S.T. appointment with Tyler. I got cleared for June 6, 2013, using love as the positive word. I think around then might have been one of the first attempts I was working on filing for divorce. It took several attempts before I could finally go through with it fully. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I never want to go through that again.
Speaking of divorce, my ex is apparently getting remarried. Typical right? I wonder if he has taken any of the suggestions I gave him to go to anger management and all of that. Well, I hope for all of their sakes that he has. If not, maybe she has to learn the same lessons that I did.
Honey, I have to write a letter that says I'm ok with him getting sealed to another woman. I wonder if he went through any kind of repentance process or if he is just trying to drink damnation to his soul like the scripture says? Well, it's not my place to judge. It's God's. I'll let him do the judging.
I'm trying so hard to be happy for him moving on. It's hard because I don't want him to hurt her. I think we all have those kind of tendencies to hurt people in us, but most of us choose not to act on them. However there are a choice few that do, and those are the ones who are wolves dressed in sheep's clothing.
Anyway, I hope you are doing well. What is your dream for freedom? Mine is basically that husbands will love and cherish their wives and vise versa. If there was love and kindness back in the families across the world it could end so many things. Not everyone teaches that, which is too bad. I wish they did.
I want to be one of those couples that is so romantic with each other that our kids are like "Ew! Stop kissing." It's good for kids to see their parents in love. :) I want to be in love with you forever.
Obviously love changes over time. It will start off with our chemicals going crazy in our brains like cocaine and we'll be addicted to each other. Then it will turn into the love that we realize we both have flaws and aren't actually "perfect." That's fine with me. I already am prepared for that. I know that you aren't perfect and I certainly am not perfect, though sometimes I have perfectionist tendencies. I'm a recovering perfectionist. :) I want to work on loving all of you unconditionally flaws and all. I hope you feel the same way.
I think the hardest thing about getting divorced was that it was not in my original plan. I did have reasons why I would get divorced, but I didn't think I would ever have to use them. I'm glad that I set up those boundaries in high school now. It saved me a lot of years of hurt and pain that I would have felt like I had to "endure to the end with" because I got married in the temple.
When I promise God something I do my very best to take it seriously. I might falter because I'm human, but I want to be on his side.
I wish you were here with me tonight. I wish we could cuddle tonight. I don't know if I have even met you yet or not, but I miss you. Can you miss someone you've never met? I mean, maybe we met in heaven? I don't know. I just want to be with you in your embrace tonight and feel at home again in your arms. I just want to be with you.
I love you and I can't wait to be with you!
Love,
Your FW, Tiffany
Monday, January 18, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Hi Darling,
Today was a great day! I sang in the choir for the first time in a long time. I'll bet my mentor is proud of me for taking his advice and acting so fast. :) I also went right to work finding new characters to practice yesterday when I got home. He suggested we find at least 10. I don't think I wrote that yesterday. Anyway, I was up super late because I found this hilarious show called Revenge of the Bridesmaids. I don't think I would choose any of their characters to take on, but maybe. They had each other's backs as friends. I would do that already though so...
I also drove through a cloud to get to church today. That was pretty adventurous. I wore my fuzzy black socks and decided that whenever I wear fuzzy socks I feel like a Muppet. :) I think I'm pretty funny sometimes. :) I laughed. I hope you did too.
Well, I'm exhausted. Time for bed. I hope you have a good night wherever you are. I love you forever! <3
Love always,
Your FW, Tiffany
Today was a great day! I sang in the choir for the first time in a long time. I'll bet my mentor is proud of me for taking his advice and acting so fast. :) I also went right to work finding new characters to practice yesterday when I got home. He suggested we find at least 10. I don't think I wrote that yesterday. Anyway, I was up super late because I found this hilarious show called Revenge of the Bridesmaids. I don't think I would choose any of their characters to take on, but maybe. They had each other's backs as friends. I would do that already though so...
I also drove through a cloud to get to church today. That was pretty adventurous. I wore my fuzzy black socks and decided that whenever I wear fuzzy socks I feel like a Muppet. :) I think I'm pretty funny sometimes. :) I laughed. I hope you did too.
Well, I'm exhausted. Time for bed. I hope you have a good night wherever you are. I love you forever! <3
Love always,
Your FW, Tiffany
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Hi Sweetheart,
Today I went to the second day of Character Fusion as a coach for the third time, my fourth time total at Character Fusion. I love this class so much! I got to ask my mentor, Kirk what he thought my strengths and weaknesses were at lunch. Last time I was too chicken to ask a question because my money question was basically answered the night before on a livestream he did and I couldn't think of another question to come up with. This time I was ready. :)
So, I asked him. He said that I'm really good with connecting with people once I get to know them, but he thinks if I'm an introvert like him, which I am, and I have a hard time approaching and talking to strangers. Which is true. He gave me a challenge to go up to people who intimidate me in a store and strike up a conversation with them. He gave me an example of how he went to buy gum going down different checkstands just so he could practice striking up conversation with strangers in line. He also challenged me to sing more.
The talking to strangers thing could be a good date challenge. :) I decided to start going back to choir at church. That means five hours of church, but I can do it. The other hour is for Munch and Mingle committee getting everything set up and cleaned up.
I can take a break again if I need to, but I was on a hiatus for choir for awhile. I didn't even sing for the Christmas program. That's how worn out I was getting.
It's a new year. I am determined to sing again. :) You know, share my talents and all that jazz.
I love you!
Love always,
Your FW, Tiffany
Today I went to the second day of Character Fusion as a coach for the third time, my fourth time total at Character Fusion. I love this class so much! I got to ask my mentor, Kirk what he thought my strengths and weaknesses were at lunch. Last time I was too chicken to ask a question because my money question was basically answered the night before on a livestream he did and I couldn't think of another question to come up with. This time I was ready. :)
So, I asked him. He said that I'm really good with connecting with people once I get to know them, but he thinks if I'm an introvert like him, which I am, and I have a hard time approaching and talking to strangers. Which is true. He gave me a challenge to go up to people who intimidate me in a store and strike up a conversation with them. He gave me an example of how he went to buy gum going down different checkstands just so he could practice striking up conversation with strangers in line. He also challenged me to sing more.
The talking to strangers thing could be a good date challenge. :) I decided to start going back to choir at church. That means five hours of church, but I can do it. The other hour is for Munch and Mingle committee getting everything set up and cleaned up.
I can take a break again if I need to, but I was on a hiatus for choir for awhile. I didn't even sing for the Christmas program. That's how worn out I was getting.
It's a new year. I am determined to sing again. :) You know, share my talents and all that jazz.
I love you!
Love always,
Your FW, Tiffany
Friday, January 15, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
Hi Honey,
Today I was a coach for one of my favorite classes called Character Fusion. It's basically teaching people how to heal through energy work and acting combined. It's my favorite class from 3 Key Elements. I know it has helped me to personally work through a lot of my baggage and junk I had been carrying around.
I went home for lunch. I made a chicken sandwich and I decided I wanted some pickles to go with it. We didn't have any that were cut up and I didn't have much time so I just grabbed two pickles out and ate them whole. The funny thing was that I was trying to open the pickle jar and having a hard time since it wasn't previously opened before. I finally got it, but I also ended up spilling some of the pickle juice on my shirt.
Rather than going back to the class smelling like pickle juice, I decided to change my shirt. I explained to a few people why my shirt was different, but I don't think it really mattered. It's the same style of shirt, just a different color. I wonder if the people I didn't tell thought that I had a color changing shirt or something, or maybe they didn't notice. It reminded me of The Wizard of Oz where they have a "horse of a different color" AKA a color changing horse.
I don't know why, but I love volunteering. Maybe it has something to do with feeling like I am helping to make a difference in the world. I also love seeing the "Ah-ha" moments when something clicks for people. It's a great feeling that not a lot of people get to experience unless they do something related to teaching/education of some sort.
I have been trying to figure out what my "element" is this past week. It has been a hard quest. Technically I have been on this quest since I left my ex in 2013. I lost myself and I was trying to find myself again. Then I discovered that I don't have to "find myself." I can recreate myself and my life. A lot of people have mocked me and teased me making the path a lot rockier than if they weren't, but those are the people who are going to look at me when I do make it and say that they knew me back when.
I think this is one of the hardest things for me is trying to create my life by myself when before I was creating it with my ex and his son. I miss brainstorming ideas with someone. We were planning and talking about going to Disneyland before I left. It was a good distraction. I hope he still went with his son. Heaven knows I didn't.
I guess the reason why it is so hard to dream up the future/my future life is because I want you in it and I want to know what you want too. My life would just continue to have this void of feeling like there was something missing without you in it.
I mean, I know I can do this on my own. Well, eventually when I figure out my finances. Don't marry someone who talks you into stupid financial decisions and those decisions are in your name, but they lived off of them too and because they are in your name you are the one required to pay them back. Just don't do that. Learn from my mistakes please! That's something I will inform our future children of.
I came home from Character Fusion and took myself on a "date." I had hot chocolate, string cheese, and strawberry ice cream for dinner. I know. Not very healthy, but I couldn't find anything that looked good to eat/make to eat.
Life was so much easier when I had a menu and recipes that I made for dinner and my own kitchen. Here I don't know what I can and can't use without someone getting mad at me for using their whatever it is that they were going to use for XYZ. It makes it really hard to cook.
After "dinner" I took some pictures kissing a frog for fun/for the heck of it. Hey, you aren't here to kiss or I would kiss you. ;) Well, technically those were my pictures for today for my daily picture album I'm making for you. So, I guess they are yours anyway.
After that, I had a lovely bubble bath and read more of my Finding Your Element book. I wish I knew what my element was, like my main one if there is such a thing. I feel like I'm a jack of all trades learning bits and pieces of things from lots of different fields of study. I love learning about health and wellness, personal development, writing, teaching, business, investing, etc. and I haven't laser focused on just one area because I find all of them interesting. How am I supposed to become a kind of "specialist in my field" if I can't decide what field I want to play in? Can I play in all of them?
Well, honey bunny, it's time for bed. I have another day of Character Fusion fun coming my way tomorrow. I wish you could come. It's like an acting class. I love seeing how all of the different groups decide they are going to practice the script. Some of them all practice together at the same time, some divide up into pairs and practice then get back together as a big group, some practice on their own and then practice as a big group. I like how they look up to me as a coach and want to learn from me too. It makes me feel like what I have to say really does matter to them and helps them to be better.
I think for me the most effective thing was when I was working with at least one person and using the movements and gestures to help me remember the lines, kind of like muscle memory. It's like I pictured myself being that character and taking on those traits. That's why it's called Character Fusion. You are fusing those characters onto you so that you can take them wherever you go.
Time for bed. I love you forever!
Love,
Your future wife, Tiffany
Today I was a coach for one of my favorite classes called Character Fusion. It's basically teaching people how to heal through energy work and acting combined. It's my favorite class from 3 Key Elements. I know it has helped me to personally work through a lot of my baggage and junk I had been carrying around.
I went home for lunch. I made a chicken sandwich and I decided I wanted some pickles to go with it. We didn't have any that were cut up and I didn't have much time so I just grabbed two pickles out and ate them whole. The funny thing was that I was trying to open the pickle jar and having a hard time since it wasn't previously opened before. I finally got it, but I also ended up spilling some of the pickle juice on my shirt.
Rather than going back to the class smelling like pickle juice, I decided to change my shirt. I explained to a few people why my shirt was different, but I don't think it really mattered. It's the same style of shirt, just a different color. I wonder if the people I didn't tell thought that I had a color changing shirt or something, or maybe they didn't notice. It reminded me of The Wizard of Oz where they have a "horse of a different color" AKA a color changing horse.
I don't know why, but I love volunteering. Maybe it has something to do with feeling like I am helping to make a difference in the world. I also love seeing the "Ah-ha" moments when something clicks for people. It's a great feeling that not a lot of people get to experience unless they do something related to teaching/education of some sort.
I have been trying to figure out what my "element" is this past week. It has been a hard quest. Technically I have been on this quest since I left my ex in 2013. I lost myself and I was trying to find myself again. Then I discovered that I don't have to "find myself." I can recreate myself and my life. A lot of people have mocked me and teased me making the path a lot rockier than if they weren't, but those are the people who are going to look at me when I do make it and say that they knew me back when.
I think this is one of the hardest things for me is trying to create my life by myself when before I was creating it with my ex and his son. I miss brainstorming ideas with someone. We were planning and talking about going to Disneyland before I left. It was a good distraction. I hope he still went with his son. Heaven knows I didn't.
I guess the reason why it is so hard to dream up the future/my future life is because I want you in it and I want to know what you want too. My life would just continue to have this void of feeling like there was something missing without you in it.
I mean, I know I can do this on my own. Well, eventually when I figure out my finances. Don't marry someone who talks you into stupid financial decisions and those decisions are in your name, but they lived off of them too and because they are in your name you are the one required to pay them back. Just don't do that. Learn from my mistakes please! That's something I will inform our future children of.
I came home from Character Fusion and took myself on a "date." I had hot chocolate, string cheese, and strawberry ice cream for dinner. I know. Not very healthy, but I couldn't find anything that looked good to eat/make to eat.
Life was so much easier when I had a menu and recipes that I made for dinner and my own kitchen. Here I don't know what I can and can't use without someone getting mad at me for using their whatever it is that they were going to use for XYZ. It makes it really hard to cook.
After "dinner" I took some pictures kissing a frog for fun/for the heck of it. Hey, you aren't here to kiss or I would kiss you. ;) Well, technically those were my pictures for today for my daily picture album I'm making for you. So, I guess they are yours anyway.
After that, I had a lovely bubble bath and read more of my Finding Your Element book. I wish I knew what my element was, like my main one if there is such a thing. I feel like I'm a jack of all trades learning bits and pieces of things from lots of different fields of study. I love learning about health and wellness, personal development, writing, teaching, business, investing, etc. and I haven't laser focused on just one area because I find all of them interesting. How am I supposed to become a kind of "specialist in my field" if I can't decide what field I want to play in? Can I play in all of them?
Well, honey bunny, it's time for bed. I have another day of Character Fusion fun coming my way tomorrow. I wish you could come. It's like an acting class. I love seeing how all of the different groups decide they are going to practice the script. Some of them all practice together at the same time, some divide up into pairs and practice then get back together as a big group, some practice on their own and then practice as a big group. I like how they look up to me as a coach and want to learn from me too. It makes me feel like what I have to say really does matter to them and helps them to be better.
I think for me the most effective thing was when I was working with at least one person and using the movements and gestures to help me remember the lines, kind of like muscle memory. It's like I pictured myself being that character and taking on those traits. That's why it's called Character Fusion. You are fusing those characters onto you so that you can take them wherever you go.
Time for bed. I love you forever!
Love,
Your future wife, Tiffany
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Hi Sweetheart,
Today is the first day I am writing to you for the blog. I figured I would do this because writing to you motivates me to be ready for you when we finally meet. I mean, who knows? We may have already met and just not known it yet or something crazy like that. You never know.
Today I went to Park City to advertise Mad Science in a school up there at lunch for their after school program. The kids swarmed me as usual. I guess that means they are definitely interested in Mad Science. :) Today I was talking to them about our NASA space program. They all asked if I could shoot the rocket off. I told them, "Not today."
The lunch lady said they were a lot less crazy/noisy with me than they were for the last guy that came. I guess that's a compliment. I took it as one anyway. I try not to let the kids get too crazy. I let them know my boundaries.
I listened to my dating coach today. He was talking about different guys to watch out for and it can also go the other way for us being the kind of woman a man would want to be with.
All I know is I want to be the best version of myself for you. I have been working on healing myself from being hurt from my past relationships, especially my divorce, I want to let the past go and keep moving forward.
I know I'm not the only one who is changing. You are changing too, and I love that. I love that each of us can grow and change into the kind of people we want to be.
I want to love you with all of my heart and soul. I want to be with you forever. I thought I knew what love was before. Yes, I had a taste of it, but it is nothing like what I want to experience with you. The me that wants to be with you is a completely different girl than I used to be. I know I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Forgive me if I still say girls and boys. I just feel like we really never "grow up" because we will always be someone's child. I don't know if that makes sense. If it offends you I can change it tow woman, but for now I'm using them interchangeably and I hope you don't take offense.
Sometimes I think about our life together. Where we will live. I wonder if you want kids as much as I do. I have wanted them for so long, but I'm glad that I didn't have them with my ex. That was a blessing in disguise.
I hope that you can accept that I have a past. I wish I could erase it, but I can't. It has made me who I am today if that helps. I am stronger than I used to be. I have learned how to set better boundaries.
I'm still working on being strong with this kind of stuff with everyone around me..In the past, I have been a "people pleaser," and I have often said, "Yes," to other people and in doing so I have said, "No," to myself. I am working on changing that. It's not that I want to say, "No," to them, but if I keep saying, "Yes," to them I am constantly saying, "No," to me and that takes away from my contribution to society. I want to make a difference and leave my mark too.
Well, honey, it's time for bed. I hope you have also had a good day. I love you so much wherever you are. I hope you feel my love come to encircle you with a big hug and kiss. I can't wait to cuddle with you.
All my love,
Your future wife, Tiffany
Today is the first day I am writing to you for the blog. I figured I would do this because writing to you motivates me to be ready for you when we finally meet. I mean, who knows? We may have already met and just not known it yet or something crazy like that. You never know.
Today I went to Park City to advertise Mad Science in a school up there at lunch for their after school program. The kids swarmed me as usual. I guess that means they are definitely interested in Mad Science. :) Today I was talking to them about our NASA space program. They all asked if I could shoot the rocket off. I told them, "Not today."
The lunch lady said they were a lot less crazy/noisy with me than they were for the last guy that came. I guess that's a compliment. I took it as one anyway. I try not to let the kids get too crazy. I let them know my boundaries.
I listened to my dating coach today. He was talking about different guys to watch out for and it can also go the other way for us being the kind of woman a man would want to be with.
All I know is I want to be the best version of myself for you. I have been working on healing myself from being hurt from my past relationships, especially my divorce, I want to let the past go and keep moving forward.
I know I'm not the only one who is changing. You are changing too, and I love that. I love that each of us can grow and change into the kind of people we want to be.
I want to love you with all of my heart and soul. I want to be with you forever. I thought I knew what love was before. Yes, I had a taste of it, but it is nothing like what I want to experience with you. The me that wants to be with you is a completely different girl than I used to be. I know I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Forgive me if I still say girls and boys. I just feel like we really never "grow up" because we will always be someone's child. I don't know if that makes sense. If it offends you I can change it tow woman, but for now I'm using them interchangeably and I hope you don't take offense.
Sometimes I think about our life together. Where we will live. I wonder if you want kids as much as I do. I have wanted them for so long, but I'm glad that I didn't have them with my ex. That was a blessing in disguise.
I hope that you can accept that I have a past. I wish I could erase it, but I can't. It has made me who I am today if that helps. I am stronger than I used to be. I have learned how to set better boundaries.
I'm still working on being strong with this kind of stuff with everyone around me..In the past, I have been a "people pleaser," and I have often said, "Yes," to other people and in doing so I have said, "No," to myself. I am working on changing that. It's not that I want to say, "No," to them, but if I keep saying, "Yes," to them I am constantly saying, "No," to me and that takes away from my contribution to society. I want to make a difference and leave my mark too.
Well, honey, it's time for bed. I hope you have also had a good day. I love you so much wherever you are. I hope you feel my love come to encircle you with a big hug and kiss. I can't wait to cuddle with you.
All my love,
Your future wife, Tiffany
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